The other day I had an appointment with my gastroenterologist. In that appointment, I expressed I was shocked to find that it had been three months since I spoke with her and I had still been able to manage my Crohn’s Symptoms on my own without a third round of antibiotics or calling her up to talk about going on Remicade or Humira. After I updated her on my progress in the program that helps patients supplement their care with mindfulness and nutrition classes, my doctor told me it was a miracle … that I was a miracle.

At first, a warm pride spread throughout my body. Then I felt a pit in my stomach. A miracle? So many others work as hard as I did for this, over periods of time much longer than I, so I immediately felt the rush of guilt and even a little shame as I caught myself thinking, “God, why am I better, but don’t even have a full time job yet.” I accomplished something so wonderful and here I am, being ungrateful about the next thing … *eye roll.*

What I’ve come to realize since then is that it’s ok to feel accomplished and proud. Especially when you obtain health after months or years of not feeling well and being very sick. It’s also ok to mourn for your friends and family that are still struggling. Everyone’s journey and purpose in life is different. Now I get to tackle why I feel like a job is what is going to give me value in life and why I’m so impatient about the next thing. 😉

What isn’t ok is feeling guilty for having pride in yourself. Be humble, but don’t feel guilt or shame or feel like you need to hide your hard work. Let it shine through you gracefully. Share your story to empower others. My belief is that God gives you each thing, good or bad, to define your life purpose and bring the community meant for you closer.

So my story now includes achieving remission. I am cautiously optimistic for the future. I plan to continue to share here and on Instagram how I got here, but part of me knows this is God’s doing, a miracle. I couldn’t have done it without Him. I am not strong enough. I still struggle so much with anxiety and depression. I am doing better, but the main causes of why I got Crohn’s in the first place are still around me. I plan to fight them with love and determination.

Thank you for being with me on this journey and for being such a kind community. Being (almost) healthy and not in physical pain is the best Christmas present a girl could ask for. I wish you one step closer to remission, or many more days of it, wherever you are on your own journey.